Last night I was on a Q&A call with folks in my Clear Your Fears group. We were going over a worksheet I created called Your Buried Treasure: Finding Gold in Crappy Situations.
This guide helps pinpoint what’s going on in your relationships, clear out the junk and get what you most want. Sometimes this means seeing what the people in your life are reflecting back to you about your beliefs and fears.
This isn’t about blame. I’m not saying that you’re AT FAULT if you’re having financial problems or a difficult relationship or a mean boss. Blame and fault aren’t a part of this equation.
What I’m saying is that we can see these merely as crappy situations that we have to escape, OR we can look and see if there’s a golden nugget buried beneath the ick.
Here, I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say someone in your life is being really critical of you and they tell you that you’re lazy. How you react depends on whether or not you resonate with what they said.
Resonance is the term used in physics to describe what happens when a tuning fork is struck in the presence of a guitar. If the guitar has a string that’s tuned to the exact same note as the fork, the string will vibrate and create a sound. It resonates with the vibration of the tuning fork.
If someone says you’re never going to succeed and you have the same thought about yourself, you resonate with what they’re saying. It strikes a chord in you.
This is a pretty basic example – we went into several others on the call – but it gives you the main idea.
The golden nugget is recognizing that you have that belief.
As humans, we can be really good at NOT seeing what’s going on inside of us. These situations bring it to your attention.
Your fears and limiting beliefs about yourself are like patches of sticky tar that cover over your true essence. They keep your inner light – YOU – from shining out in the world.
Once you SEE the fears and beliefs, you can release them, leaving you feeling lighter, happier and more peaceful.
This is what I help clients with all the time.
Seen from this perspective, this person (who, frankly, probably feels like a royal pain) is giving you the gift of helping you to identify this belief.
Once you clear the fear that you’ll never succeed, you won’t resonate if the person says it again. You’re not responding in the same old way.[Note: You might choose not to be around people who talk to you that way and instead to be with people who support you. AND, that’s a very different place to come from than staying away because you feel hurt and angry in reaction to what’s been said, or feeling like you have to harden up in their presence.]
The most important piece in all this is to notice when you’re reacting AND NOT TO JUDGE YOURSELF FOR IT.
Again, this isn’t about blame. And it’s not about guilt.
You are not your beliefs. You are not your fears.
This is about noticing what’s gotten stuck and releasing it so that more of YOU shines through.
When you release a stuck thought or way of seeing yourself, your life reflects back the newer, lighter, more positive view you have of yourself.
When you send out a higher vibration, others respond to THAT. (Remember – NO JUDGMENT if you feel like you haven’t been sending out as high a vibration as you’d like. Once you recognize it, you can begin to make changes.)
If you feel like you’re at the mercy of what’s happening (or what’s happened) in your life or of what other people are saying to you, you’re powerless to make changes.
When you do that, you miss out. You miss out on your power. You miss out on opportunity. You miss out on YOU.
If you find yourself feeling powerless, keep these things in mind:
- Be gentle with yourself. This isn’t a race and it isn’t a competition. Each person is doing their best.
- Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to simply remind yourself that this isn’t the truth of who you are. If someone criticizes you, remind yourself, “No matter how I’m feeling right now, that’s not the truth about me.”
- Stay in the conversation of empowerment. That’s why I work with people for a minimum of 4 sessions. Things continue to come up for us and we are creatures of habit. It can take time for enough things to shift that we’re steadily in the flow of our new direction.