You Can, Too!

written by Sara Arey

I have two amazing sisters, one of whom came to see me this week.  My sisters literally live next door to each other in a town about 7 hours away from me, so generally we see each other at our parents’ for holidays or I go see them.

Growing up as the middle child, I often felt that life wasn’t fair.  I wasn’t the oldest so I was never the first one to do something.  I wasn’t the youngest so I missed out on being special that way.

As adults, my sisters have lived in the same town for years and years, so they’ve developed a close relationship, and I often felt left out.  I went through times of thinking, “What’s wrong with me?  Why don’t I get included more?  Why doesn’t anyone come see me?”  [I’m sure you’ve never had thoughts like that, right?]

Well, you can imagine how excited I was when my older sister sent me a message that she had meetings 90 minutes from my house and wanted to spend the night on her way there.  She said that she’d try to get away from work in time to spend the evening visiting and catching up before she had to leave the next morning.  Yipee!!

I planned a meal that I felt sure she’d love and marked off time on my calendar so I could have it ready when she arrived.  I relished the thought of the time we’d have together visiting and catching up.

The day arrived, I finished my last appointment, took care of a few things, and then realized that I was getting a headache.  I rarely get them any more, so I was really surprised and bummed when I felt this one.  Then I found a text from my sister saying that she’d be arriving at 9:00, so we should go ahead and eat.  Rats!!

Five years ago, I would have immediately gone into the poor me dance.  I would have felt hurt and rejected.  I would have told myself that of course this was going to happen.  Things like this always happen to me.  It would have been more proof that I wasn’t loved as much, wasn’t as valued, etc.  I would have made that nice dinner to show her what she was missing, too.  And there would have definitely been undercurrents during our time together from all my hurts.

I’m happy to say that the energy tools and all the stuff I’ve done over the years really works.  It was completely different now.

I acknowledged to myself that I was really disappointed she wouldn’t be here sooner and let myself feel that.  Then, I focused on what my body needed and how I could take care of myself.  I took a nap and then spent time moving around quietly and gently.  I waited until I felt ready to eat and then fixed fairly plain food that appealed to my slightly queasy stomach.  I spent time with my husband and daughter and relaxed.

When my sister arrived, my headache was completely gone.  I was so excited to see her and I saw how excited she was to be here.  She wanted to see the house (we’ve moved since she was last here), ate some of our simple dinner, and then she and I sat at the kitchen table with my daughter and had a wonderful visit!  In two hours we really caught up.  If I had written a list of all the things I wanted us to have time to talk about, every single one would have been checked off.

I got caught up on how her husband and son are doing and how her work is going.  She filled me in on how our younger sister and her son are.  She told me the kind of funny little stories that don’t always make it into phone calls and emails.

I found out that she wasn’t on her way to attend a whole bunch of meetings, she’s the co-chair of the international organization and would be leading these meetings!  With all that planning and all her responsibilities at work, it must have been incredibly hard for her to get away at all.

I also discovered that she had campaigned for this meeting location so that she could come see me!  I wasn’t just a convenient stopover.  I was a destination.

We also talked about me and my life and my work.  I felt like a flower absorbing the warmth of her total attention.

Best of all, I so clearly felt her love for me and my love for her.  I felt totally accepted and loved, accepting and loving, with no little ripples of discontent.

I know that my love for her and hers for me have always been there.  I also know that my stuff – my hurts, my stories, my insecurities, my fears – used to prevent me from feeling that love and from accepting it to the extent and depth that I do now.  In the past, I might not have even heard that she had worked to have the meetings near me.  But I did this time.

And that stuff also used to keep me from feeling and acting on my love for myself.  It was like a hardness inside me that kept love from flowing through and soaking in. Letting go of that has left space for love – love for my sisters, love from my sisters, and love I give to myself.

This wasn’t a sudden shift.  Even before I knew the energy techniques I know now, I worked on forgiveness and letting go of resentments and having better relationships.  I think most of us do.  In fact, that’s always been a focus for me.  And I’ve had wonderful times with my sisters over the years.  They are some of the dearest people in my life.

What happened this time, though, was that I was able to see just how thorough the healing and letting go has been thanks to these energy techniques.  I had such a clear vision of how I would have reacted five or ten years ago that I could really appreciate what didn’t happen and how I didn’t feel.  I’m thrilled I got to spend that evening with someone I love so much and to be so very present for it.

What could you let go of that would leave you feeling lighter, happier and more loving toward yourself and others?



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