The Value of Petty Jealousy

One thing I often tell my clients is, “Don’t try to look good in our sessions.”

When you’re trying to look good, you aren’t 100% yourself.  You aren’t fully connecting with all of you.  (Read more on The Danger of Trying to Look Good.)

This week, two separate clients told me something in their sessions that they were embarrassed to admit.  In fact, they both said, “I’m embarrassed to say this, but…”

When I hear that phrase, I get a big inner smile.  I know that something great is coming up to be cleared, and I’m excited my client is allowing it.

What came up for one of them was a bunch of petty, jealous thoughts.  She said that it felt like a young part of her was having a temper tantrum and saying things like:

  • It’s not fair that this person is doing better than I am!
  • I’m the one who found this program!
  • I should be the one doing better!
  • They’re probably going to make jillions of dollars and I’m going to just barely get by.
  • This always happens to me.

She was so relieved when I told her that I’d had tons of those thoughts.  We ALL have.

What makes the difference is what you DO with them when you have them.

There are three typical responses:

  1. You feel embarrassed and ashamed that you have these thoughts, so you quickly push them down.  This, by the way, keeps them in place, and it takes energy for you to hold them down.
  2. You fight against these “sabotaging” thoughts.  (Read here to see why I put that in quotes.)  This, too, keeps them with you.  The term “locked in battle” is very accurate, because struggling with something holds it in place and keeps you entangled with it.
  3. You believe them and get attached to them.  They become the story you tell, your excuse for playing small.  You revitalize them every time you tell them.  You see them as the truth, as who you are and how life is.  And even though they feel sad and constrictive, they also feel comfortable and safe.

None of these options empowers you.  None of them serves you or your success.

Fortunately, there’s another path.

These thoughts can become a doorway to transformation.

With this client, I had her let all those thoughts come up and we cleared them out.

Then, we cleared the underlying fears they came from.  Fears like:

  • I’m not good enough.
  • I’ll never get there from here.
  • I’ll never have that.
  • I can’t do this.

Once we released all of that, what surfaced was the love this part has for her.  It’s only intent was to keep her safe and to protect her from being hurt by disappointment.

This is what happens over and over for my clients – when we clear away the gunk, we find the love underneath.  It’s like cleaning all the junk out of your basement and discovering a pile of gold, except that in this case, the gunk actually points the way to the treasure.

My client was able to accept and feel all that love, without getting stuck in the story.

We then did some work with that part so it felt safe and okay and thus stopped generating those jealous thoughts.  There’s now a direct connection to the love.

It was really exciting to see my client reconnect with her passion and her confidence.  If you could see the beautiful, radiant smile she had as we said good-bye, it would light up your screen.

So when you find yourself having jealous thoughts, be aware of what you do with them.  Make sure you don’t believe them as The Truth and take them on as your story.  And know that there’s a loving intent behind them.

Do you see how holding onto some of these “truths” has affected you?  I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below.


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