Goals are wonderful when they light us up and inspire us to push ourselves past previous boundaries. Goals are not wonderful when they shut us down and bring up resistance and frustration.
It’s interesting to notice the “should’s” and “ought-to’s” we put on ourselves, especially when we pay attention to how this manner of thinking tends to close us down.
What’s the difference between the two types of goals?
Shutting Down Goals
Clearly, we want to have the kind of goals that open us up. We want goals that put a big smile on our faces, that have us whistle while we work, that make our heart sing and make us jump out of bed in the morning.
The shutting down kinds of goals are definitely the objectives that arise when we’re thinking in terms of “should’s” and “ought-to’s.” These sound like, “I should finish my website in the next two weeks,” or “I ought to attend this networking event to grow my business.”
It’s not the action that makes them shutting down goals – it’s the intention behind it. When the goals have an energy of pushing, forcing or trying very hard, they are shutting down goals.
What it Means to Push
Sometimes we do need to push ourselves to move through discomfort and be okay with the uncomfortable. It’s in the realm of discomfort that we grow.
But the difference occurs when we’re choosing uncomfortable goals in a productive and compassionate way versus a goal that’s fueled by comparison or a need to be validated.
The best way to set a goal is to approach it with love and the understanding that, yes, it may be hard or scary, but there’s a bigger picture that trumps the difficulty.
You’ll find yourself thinking, “This is tough, but there’s something I really want on the other side.” The wanting of something else is greater than the discomfort or fear that you’re experiencing right now.
For instance, if the higher goal is to share your message with a particular group and you must have a website in order to do that, then setting a goal to create a website in two weeks may be an inspired endeavor.
The intention behind it could be one of openness and expansion, perhaps with the thought, “I’m creating this website to touch the lives of people who need my work, so the challenges are worth it to me.” Now that’s a lighting-up type of goal.
Let Go of Pushing, Struggling and Judging, and Embrace Trust
A lot of times when we let something be, we’re more productive than when we try very hard. It can be difficult because it requires us to be in a place of trust, which is occasionally challenging.
Trusting that we can do this, that it’s going to work out, and trusting that who we are is enough.
The “trying” comes from a sense of “not enough.” It is our perception that we need to prove ourselves.
The funny thing is, people pick up on that energy. You have likely experienced this in your own life: you know the difference between when someone is trying very hard to sell you something and when they are simply presenting what they have to offer. The second situation is much more likely to make a sale.
And regardless of making sales, when you feel trusting of the world and set goals that touch, move and inspire you, life is so much more enjoyable!
Are you interested in letting go of the pushing, struggling and judging and setting goals that make you jump out of bed in the morning? I would love to speak with you. Click HERE to connect and set up a time to speak with me directly.