Is Your Past Sabotaging Your Present?

sara arey decision makingOne problem that continues to come up with my clients – and in my own life – is this idea of not knowing who or what is driving our decisions.

So often we think we’re choosing based on what we want, as though there’s some sort of pure, internal desire. Really, what’s happening is that we’re making decisions fueled by unresolved stuff from the past.

Examine What’s Behind Each Choice

Say that you’re choosing to build a $500K business. You probably feel like you’re doing it because it’s something you really want.

You want it because it’ll give you the freedom you crave and the lifestyle that you’ve always desired. You’ll finally get to take those long vacations and enjoy what you’ve built.

Here’s what’s really going on.

When you were younger, you idolized someone who was successfully running a big business. You have an unconscious thought along the lines of, “If I can do what this person did then my life will look like theirs. I’ll have the successful relationship, all the friends, the happy kids. My life will be great!”

Are You Being Reactive?

Sometimes, and maybe even more often, our choices are fueled by a reaction to something outside of us.

You might feel like you’re not successful in any part of your life except that you’re really good at business. So you begin to believe that that’s the only area where you can flourish and you decide to be super successful there.

Or maybe, when you were a child, someone told you would never amount to anything. Now everything you do is a reaction to what that person said. You’re driven to prove them wrong. Very wrong.

It might be that you experienced lack as a child and that felt scary and unsafe to you, so you made the decision to never experience lack like that again.

All of these reactions are an attempt to cushion yourself against feeling scared and uncomfortable. While there are scary things about not having enough of the very basics – a place to live, enough food to eat – having a $500K business goes way beyond that.

Self-Awareness Leads to Real Safety

It’s amazing how many people are driven solely based on that internal feeling of fear and scarcity. They never feel safe no matter how much they have or achieve. They’re always reacting to something outside of themselves or fighting some internal belief about who they are.

Getting beyond this depends on the ability to be self-aware. Self-awareness is like a muscle. The more you practice using it, the bigger and stronger it gets. The more old stuff you let go of, the more clear you become.

Letting go can involve energy work or meditation. Some people are successful with spiritual or religious practices. It’s easier – and less common – than you may realize.

Making the Right Choices Just Feels Right

When we are being driven to make choices based on our past experience, we feel a lot of pressure. It’s a feeling of being pushed or of pushing ourselves. The energy is tight or hard and there’s a frantic quality to how we do things.

When we’re acting on centered, grounded desire, we operate in a state of flow and ease.

Just Because You’re at Ease Doesn’t Mean It’ll be Easy

As long as you’re growing and expanding, you’re going to encounter things that challenge and scare you. But the feeling won’t be that pervasive fear and anxiety and panic of pushing yourself. It’s the discomfort that comes from expanding beyond what you’ve done before.

If you need help to begin your own personal expansion, contact me. I have two open spots available right now for new clients and would love to talk about whether we’re a good fit.

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