[In the context of the work I do, when I say “parts”, I mean the way sometimes part of you wants to go out with friends and part of you wants to stay home. Or child parts or scared parts. This is not the clinically diagnosed condition of Dissociative Identity Disorder.]
That’s my saboteur again – messing everything up!
I’m fine sometimes, and then my ego gets started again and I’m back in my fears and my stuff.
I feel like I’m constantly struggling against my ego. It’s exhausting.
For years I’ve heard people talk about this, including many well-respected thought leaders.
I know what they mean. How sometimes we seem to create our own problems, get in our own way. How when things are going “too well”, we do something to mess it up. This can be in our relationships, our businesses – every part of our lives.
It’s also often come up in my work with clients. They feel frustrated and confused, angry and resentful at the part of them that’s causing the trouble. They want to make that part get with the program, fall in line.
As I’ve worked with them on this, though, what’s always emerged is love.
From the part’s perspective, there’s ALWAYS been a reason that made whatever happened seem perfectly reasonable. And more than that, made it an act of love.
The parts’ perspectives include thoughts like:
- If I don’t get angry, you won’t stand up for yourself and you’ll be taken advantage of.
- If someone gets too close, you might get hurt, so it’s better if this relationship doesn’t go any further.
- If you get too successful and make a lot of money, people in your family will resent you, and that’s worse than being poor.
It’s simply you trying to take care of you.
Rather than seeing something that happens as a part of you trying to mess up your life or your ego that you have to overcome, try this instead:
Take a breath and stay in the present.
Judgments and fears are based on what happened in the past or what might happen in the future. Staying centered in the present allows us to make more conscious decisions.
Accept that this is how part of you feels.
Say something like the following to yourself:
- Part of me is scared. That’s okay. I can love that part of me. And I can still go on with my plans.
- I have these thoughts. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean they’re true. They aren’t who I am. This is just how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking in this moment.
Continue to release your S.T.U.F.F.
The less of that you have, the fewer fears you’ll have coming up. The fewer judgmental thoughts you’ll have. The easier it’ll be to live simply and congruently in your life. To create, connect and enjoy your life.
What would it feel like to be more loving and gentle with yourself?