There’ve been many times in my life when I’ve been broken open. Sometimes it’s a big shattering with lots of noise. Sometimes it’s like the time I saw a bird crash into a huge window. It made a little crack that, over the course of a several hours, spread until the entire window was a web of cracks that let the light in in amazing new ways.
2017 has left me fractured in beautiful ways.
Of course, it only feels like it’s ME that’s fractured. The truth is that it’s only my old stories, old protections, patterns that don’t serve me, ways of seeing myself that were way smaller than the truth of me. None of that was me, even though it sure felt like it!
One result is that I’m receiving in a totally new way.
This is embarrassing to admit, and here I go.
I’m part of an amazing community of leaders – my leadership tribe. We have a conversation going on WhatsApp that gets very regular posts and conversations. Recently, there were two people in the group who had birthdays a couple of days apart.
This is the embarrassing part. I used to feel jealous when I read others in the group being praised. It wasn’t the only thing I felt, of course. I also felt excited for them, proud of them, etc. And, in the background, there was a little voice saying things like, “Why don’t they say these things about me? Don’t they know I’m loving, too? Why don’t they see me?”
It was 100% my own insecurity and fear. And it was also a genuine sadness and pain I carried in my heart.
This is something that I’ve worked on for years. It seems like I’ve always felt different, and like I wasn’t being seen on some level, and that I wasn’t enough. I’ve definitely made progress over the years, and then I experienced a quantum change over the last few months.
My facade (what I sometimes call armor) has taken some big hits in the last few months. Some have been wonderful acknowledgements and people helping me to see myself in much bigger, more powerful ways. Some have been tearful releases that felt both really, really painful and incredibly cathartic all at once. Many of them I actively sought out.
The result is that when I read all the birthday wishes to my two tribemates recently, I felt pure delight and excitement. I eagerly read each acknowledgement and every word of praise. I felt lighter and more joyful with every word.
And of course I’m MORE strong and okay than ever for having had this old armor crack open.
Now there’s a new vulnerableness and a new openness. This morning when my husband offered to address a challenging situation for me, I had an old impulse to say, “It’s okay, I’ll do it.” In that moment, I was able to stop myself and say instead, “Thanks. That would be great.”
I didn’t accept his help because I was weak or because I can’t do it. Just the opposite. I know I could do it, and so I don’t have to. And for many reasons he’s the better person to do it. It’ll be better for everyone.
I no longer need to block that flow in order to prove anything.
How do you know you’re enough?
We “know” things on many different levels. We can know things mentally, what I call “mind deep”. It’s like how many of us “know” math. We get it intellectually, but not in a way that we LIVE it.
I’ve known that I’m strong and good enough mentally. I could see the evidence for it. I’ve heard when people have said.
Another level is to know it emotionally. To know it in our hearts. I knew this somewhat in my heart. I’m not blind and I’ve done tons of my own work and many others things on this. I’d gotten a lot of the way here. And yet there was still that little voice, that little part of me that HADN’T gotten it, that was living in old messages and old paradigms.
The deepest level of knowing is cellular knowing. This is the level at which you know that ice is cold. You’d never take a workshop explaining what happens to water when you add ice because you KNOW it. You’ve EXPERIENCED it.
This is the level where I work with clients. I do the Embody You programs so that people EXPERIENCE their bodies, emotions and selves differently. I work with clients and groups energetically because energy is the basis of EVERYTHING. When you get something in your vibration, it’s a total game changer.
2017 gave me the experiences I needed to GET my worthiness, my connection to others and my power on a CELLULAR level. It changed my vibration.
Now it’s up to me to keep up the practices that support me in staying in this expanded energy, this higher vibration.
Sharing this now is helping me do that. It’s shedding old habits and creating new patterns. Every time I act from this expanded energy, it becomes more deeply rooted.
This is what I do for my clients, too. I help them see what they’re not seeing. I support them and create a safe space for them to be vulnerable. I help them release the past and make quantum shifts in their energy. And I help them create the practices that will sustain their expansion.
If this is something you want for yourself, let’s talk. Click here to schedule a complimentary call with me to get clear on what you want to create and to see if we’re a good match to make that happen.