Are you secretly holding onto your confusion?

The #1 thing I hear from entrepreneurs is that they want more clarity. They’re tired of the confusion and of second-guessing themselves. Tired of cluttered thoughts and chatty minds.

Believe me, I get it! I’ve been there myself and have helped hundreds of clients in the same position.

We want clarity in order to market more effectively. To know just what it is we really DO and to be able to communicate it and the value of it. We want to be clear so that it’s easier to write articles, give presentations, even to know what question to ask our coach and what step to take next.

But there’s something you should know: As good as clarity feels, and as much as we may talk about wanting it in ALL areas of our lives and businesses, we often have a secret, deep attachment to uncertainty.

This is where I start with clients who come to me wanting greater clarity.

The Seductiveness of Confusion

What’s so lovable about confusion? It feels sticky and heavy and frustrating! Why would we want that?

Well, for one thing, confusion provides a great cover. It’s easy to hide behind. If people can’t see us, they won’t target us. (This may sound melodramatic, but that’s how we think.)

20629347_sWhen we’re confused, we don’t have to fully show up. We have an excuse for not putting ourselves out there, making a stand or taking risks. When we get clear, we’ll go for those big speaking engagements, write that bold copy, contact those gatekeepers. Until then, we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing.

Another thing we love about uncertainty is that it’s familiar. It’s known territory. And we often (mistakenly) equate “familiar” with “safe”. We know what to expect with uncertainty – more of the same. We ignore how unsafe it is to stay on an eroding island because getting in the boat feels too scary.

No one ever became successful without clarity. Getting clear carries risks of breaking unspoken rules, like:

  • Don’t be more successful than your parents.
  • Don’t outshine your brother/sister/spouse/mentor.
  • Don’t stand out.

Loved ones – even strangers – might get upset or angry if you break the rules. Happily, you don’t have to worry about any of these as long as you’re unclear and stay stuck.

We’re afraid of what will emerge in the quiet.

Deep down is the fear that if you get clear in one area of your life, you might have to look at other areas and deal with them, too. If you get clarity around your business and begin to stand in your power there, you might have to deal with the fact that your relationship isn’t working.

If you’re certain and confident about what you offer and the value you have, you might not be able to tolerate what happens when you visit your parents or siblings. And dealing with THAT feels too daunting. Better to stay stuck in your business than go THERE.

We fear our clarity.

Again and again, what it comes down to is that we’re afraid of our own power. Marianne Williamson was right:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We’re afraid of what we’ll be responsible for if we own our light.

Getting clear means standing in your own power.

Happily, there’s time.

The thing we often forget, though, is that clarity isn’t a point you arrive at, when the clouds part, angels sing and the sun shines evermore. It’s a trajectory with periods of confusion followed by periods of greater and greater clarity.

You don’t go from being (or feeling or acting) powerless one day to totally owning every aspect of your life the next.

It’s a gradual process, and that’s a gift.

There’s time to acclimate to the higher vibrations.

Time to get used to the changes in one area before moving on to the next. To prepare for the next step. Time to build momentum as your clarity, confidence and successes build. Time to become the person who’s more clear, and to get used to being her.

YOU get to choose how quickly you embrace clarity and what your trajectory looks like.

Releasing these fears allows you to travel more quickly – and also more easily. It’s like going from swimming against the current to swimming with it. It takes so much less effort.

Sometimes, it really is better and more efficient to take the easy way.

What are some of the “rules” you’ve been afraid of breaking? What might you be able to do without them? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

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