Are You Creating a “Not Fine” Sandwich?

I often work with clients when they’re going through particularly challenging points in their lives. It’s not unusual for me to see clients up against something that feels impenetrable, and I hear them tell themselves things like, “I can’t do this. This isn’t going to work. Who am I to create this or to charge these prices?”

And not knowing to do anything different, they tell themselves that they are fine, saying, “This is fine. I’m fine. I can do this.”

But even though they’re trying to positively reaffirm themselves and their abilities, all the “I’m fine” thoughts are simply being layered on top of the “I can’t do this” thoughts.

Piling Reactions on Top of Fearful Thoughts Keeps Us Stuck

not fineWhen we try to convince ourselves that we’re fine even when, underneath, we feel “less than,” we’re simply reacting to the initial thoughts.

Sometimes, we have a lot of these thoughts running at once, but a few of them may be things like, “I can’t do this. I’m not an expert. Who am I to build this business?”

The reaction is when we try to cover them up with things like, “I’m sure I can do this. I have all this experience. This client thinks I’m doing a good job.” Although the positive statements may be true, they were created in reaction to the negative thoughts and they resonate with the energy of “trying to convince.”

The deeper the thought pile gets, the more ingrained the original fear-based thought becomes. The new “positive” thoughts on top of the original “negative” ones work to keep the first one in place.

The Energy of Being Good Enough

Piling all these conflicting thoughts on top of one another creates a distinct energy of struggle, and perhaps even combat. What people don’t realize is that under all the “not fine” thoughts is a place where you really are safe and okay and where you know yourself to be good enough, whatever the situation may be.

We all have stillness within us, deep under our thoughts, negative or positive. It’s just our nature that fears will come up. When they’re not dealt with, the fears manifest as negative thoughts.

Then the negative thoughts become trapped between the initial layer of being okay and the reactionary layers of trying to convince yourself that everything is fine.

Address the Negative Thoughts and Fears

The most effective way to move through negative thoughts is to address the initial fears that are generating them. When these fears are cleared away, what naturally emerges is the knowing that you are safe and okay and worthy.

This comes from a deep inner knowing, not a convincing. Imagine that your body was covered in mud and in order to hide the mud, you decide to put on clean clothes and fresh make-up. It would be much more effective to simply wash off the mud!

Sometimes, we have lived with the mud for so long, we think that it is who we are. We can’t remember that the mud isn’t our skin, and we need someone outside of ourselves to remind us what we truly look like.

This is where I work with clients: to identify their mudpacks and clear them away.

If you’re ready to clean off the mud and finally feel fresh air on your skin again, I would love to talk to you. Click HERE to schedule a connection call with me and we’ll identify some of the mud you may not be seeing at all.

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